Put This On the Radio, Jack FM: Eat My Ass
Just when I thought people were
catching on to how much the radio sucks, some dirtbag radio executives bring us
Jack FM. Now, it seems there are people I don't hate who think the radio doesn't
suck ass (which it most certainly does).
All because you expanded your playlist by a few hundred songs, people act like
they are hearing something new. I don't know why. You never play anything I
haven't heard before. You never even play anything that hasn't tested well for
your market. Sure enough, if I tune in at different times over the course of a
few days, I find that you play a lot of the same things at around the same
times. It turns out that "playing what we want" just means that you
have no logical way of selecting songs other than to make a profit.
You address me in much the same way I am addressing you right now, which is
annoying because you're not a person. You're a conglomeration of people working
together to lower the quality of my life. Yep. Just like I am now, people call
in and talk to you. It's so interactive the way they leave
messages. Then you laugh it up on the air about how great you are,
how much money you're making, and how much of a chump the average
listener is because he just can't get enough.
Your endless self-promotion is a pity, because the expanded playlist really is
somewhat of an improvement over top-40 formats. But even without the hideous
droning sound bites about how great you are inserted awkwardly between songs,
it's still commercial radio. That means that during every hour at work, I need
to hear some piece of idiotic banter about products and services that some
fuckhead is certain will ENRICH my life.
If you were a person, whether by the name of Jack or Jane or whathaveyou, I would rip off your head and shit down your throat. Put these comments on
the air, Jack.
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© 2006 FussyPucker.