The REAL Cure For Loneliness
I have determined that loneliness is a disease
"associated with biochemical changes in the brain." Therefore, being
lonely is not my fault.
It's not my fault that I don't leave the house. It's the fault of my brain,
which is a totally separate entity from me. TV said the brain is uncontrollable,
yet easily isolated with precision by drugs, and no problem at all to
understand.
Being lonely is really hard, but now that I know it's just a medical disease it
doesn't seem so bad. I just hope that soon doctors can continue on the path
they're on and come up with a drug for loneliness. Then the drug could keep me
company. We could dance and play and fart together and be merry.
Merriness is something you can only get from a doctor's drug. If you use dirty
illegal drugs, then there's no way you could ever achieve the merriness that you
could from a doctor's drug. I learned this from an ad on TV where they showed
how cells in the brain work.
You see happy cells in the brain, the ones responsible for dancing and singing
and farting merrily, can become sluggish and the flow of them from left to right
on the screen is slow. But then when you put the drug in the brain, the cells
all perk up and start moving faster. And the unhappy cells that were getting in
the way disappear.
So, you see, there is no reason for me to read or write or try to express my
problems or conquer them with friends and loved ones. All I need to do is get my
hands on the right chemical concoction, and then I'll be set free from sadness
into a world of backflipping and somersaults and ponies and titties. Mmmm...ponies.
And the thing that I really feel cheated about, is all the work I've already
done. If I'd realized that what I really needed was to choose which pill to
take, then I'm certain that I wouldn't have stressed so much about "opening
up" and "being honest" and looking for "truth" and
"love." Life might have been easier without all that "pain"
and "joy" and "longing."
Now that I know how the world works, my day will be without conflict. I'll wake
up in the morning so I can take drugs. Then I'll do whatever other people tell
me to do for a few hours. Then I'll take more drugs. Then I'll run around for a
while. Then I'll do what other people tell me to do for a while more. Then I'll
take drugs again. And then I'll go to sleep. Every day, zero conflict.
I won't need to feel anything or get to know anyone or express myself in any
meaningful way, because I'll already be merry, farting and playing and dancing.
That will be awesome. And if it ever starts to wear off, I'll just get the
doctor to give me more. He'll do it because he'll believe that's what I need.
Then I can run around in a bathing suit through the street, singing I've Been
Working On The Railroad instead of being lonely and feeling what I was feeling
like a crazy person. I love drugs!
In conclusion, it's clear that the path psychiatry has put us on is the one that
human beings have worked so hard to reach for thousands of years. There is
nothing wrong with anything any of them do ever since it is an exact science,
and we should start categorizing people while they are very young children so we
don't let their problems develop into rebellion and anger. ADD, General
Depression, and Bipolar disorder are definitely clearly defined diseases
and not just a list of symptoms that everyone experiences at some point in life,
the theory about chemical imbalances in the brain (though unproven) should
definitely be allowed to be shown in advertising (especially the stuff that
reaches all age groups), and happiness has nothing at all to do with turning off
the TV, seeking out that which inspires you, and living for the moment that
you're in....it's about drugs!
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© 2006 FussyPucker.