I'm Not One Of The Party People

I do not want to show you my booty. I do not really want to see yours. I'm in the house, because that's where I live. Thanks roomie! I'm not sour though, and it's not personal. I just don't like most house parties. The music is rarely my style, and I'm not likely to forget that from my one mandatory beer. So, yeah, I'm a wee uptight...It does give me an opportunity to observe the happenings.

• When a rapper says "Oh," so do a bunch of drunk people.
   
• I can never fucking hear anyone who is intending to say something to me. Likewise, they hear nothing I say.
   
• Music I own is better than the DJ's.
    
• Guys outnumber girls almost invariably.
   
• There's always someone that starts dancing even if the music isn't appropriate and nobody else is dancing. This is especially funny when it's break-dancing (which it often is).
   
• Stoners and drinkers segregate. If underagers show up, one of them always goes overboard.
   
• Someone always pukes. Always. And puke remains too long before cleaning.
   
• Miscellaneous misuse of the bathroom occurs: splattered puke and piss, maybe the occasional dump in the shower.
   
• If you lock your door, people will fuck in your bathroom. If you don't, they'll fuck in your bed.
   
• There's always some couple making out on the couch. No one in the house even knows who invited them.
   
• There's always some pushy, touchy-feely, drunk guy on the premises to cause unrest. To balance, there's always a drunken mediator to give a hilarious explanation of why something's "just not cool."
   
• People form a line at the bathroom door. Sooner or later though, guys just start peeing on the lawn.
   
• Drunken horny assholes and "cockblockers" compete, unaware that they are in fact the same thing. One hot girl is often surrounded by like 6 guys. They get her drinks all night long. Then when she's drunk, they fight over "taking her home." She sleeps on the couch.
   
• Beer runs transpire, to which not enough people contribute...at least, according to some guy I didn't give any money to...
   
• On a positive note, fog machines and strobe lights make an undeniably good combination.

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